'Living Together' - A New Definition of Relationships

The relationship between a man and a woman is a natural physical and mental necessity. To fulfill this necessity, after the union of a man and a woman and the birth of offspring, a system was established to give these mutual relationships a proper form in the name of lineage, and the bond of marriage came to be considered a social necessity. In all countries of the world, marriages between men and women are performed according to their own social and cultural methods and approvals, in which both are also instructed to fulfill their respective responsibilities and to have affection and respect for each other. However, individuals coming from two different backgrounds often fail to find a balance in their personal relationships, and this imbalance binds marriage with words like "bondage," "burden," and unwanted and "mismatched" relationships. Why do complexity, bitterness, tension, frustration, and imbalance arise in marital bonds? Expecting to know and understand this issue deeply is utterly meaningless in today's time, or you could say, it is a sign of a narrow and conservative mentality. Because today, with the changing times, as fast as the beliefs related to marriage are changing, society is also thinking about this issue at the same pace. Why just thinking? In fact, a very large section has changed the very definition of relationships like marriage and husband-wife. Because for this section, it is not necessary for a man and a woman to be bound together for life in a bond like marriage! What is necessary is to maintain such relationships from which one can easily exit without any fear or risk. Yes, for them, it is not even necessary to give any name to maintain or form these relationships. But the society, which has cloaked every bond of relationships with a name, has also given these relationships between men and women the name "living together." This English name for relationships is certainly a gift of Western civilization! Why just the name? The tradition is also theirs!! But for some time now, this civilization has been flourishing here as well. 'Living together' means a man and a woman living together without being tied in any bond (which can only be that of marriage between a man and a woman). In this living together, there is everything that is in a marriage bond, i.e., love, affection, fights, quarrels, physical relations, and even children, but what is not there is the name of an institution like marriage..! After all, why is the strength of faith and trust in marriage ending today, and why is its definition changing? Why has living together in a 'nameless relationship' to make the existence of marriage successful or to know it, become more preferable to a section of society?

Sudhakar, who has been living in the new ideology of 'living together' with Namita for the past four years, laughs at this question and says, "Actually, society has made marriage so rigid and profound that only those who are either idealistic or bound by a sense of duty and rights can deal with it." Then today, I can say with confidence that most men and women just drag the bond of marriage with a meaningless heart; no one fulfills it happily. You just ask once, everyone wants freedom from this bond. After all, when it is so painful to maintain relationships, why be bound in them at all? Even without any relationship, a man and a woman can get everything that they get from marriage! So is it necessary to be bound by duties, burdens, loyalties, and faiths and to remain bound for life? Today, Namita and I live together without marriage. There is no bitterness between us, no bondage. Instead of expecting to control each other by living together, by giving each other the opportunity to express our thoughts freely, we are doing each other a favor. Don't you think so?

Ajay and Suman also fell in love, but their mindset that love diminishes after marriage motivated them to live together without marriage. They lived together for two years, but during this time, Suman had a fight with Ajay one day and she returned to her home. Ajay quietly married someone else, but Suman is living with another partner today. Does she have any regrets about leaving Ajay? She says very casually, "No! In fact, it's good that we didn't make the mistake of getting married!! If we had gotten married, first of all, I would have had to go through the courts to get out of it, I would have had to endure humiliation, and most importantly, I would have been labeled as a woman left by a man, or divorced..! I was Miss Suman Chawla yesterday, and I am still Miss Suman Chawla today; there is no label on me!! 'But you are still living with a male partner without marriage, this label...!! Suman says, shrugging her shoulders carelessly, "Yes, in our country, you can address it with any narrow-minded or abnormal label, but in Western countries, such relationships are normal!" Suman continues without pausing, "Then until today, we women have always considered our husbands as our supreme authority, whether we like him or not, whether his words are right or not, we have been pulling the cart of marriage for the sake of children, society, or our financial helplessness and weakness. But today, the circumstances are different; women are learning to be self-reliant and self-confident. In such a situation, it is not necessary to consider a man as everything and be bound in a marriage bond with him. What is necessary is that both of them have mutual understanding, that their ideas and thoughts match, and for that, it is necessary to live together and know each other, isn't it!" Then, in my opinion, if a man and a woman live together, get to know each other well, and then marry after thinking it over, then there is no possibility of having to endure hardships in that marriage. If any such possibility is seen by either of them towards the other while living together, then the relationship can also be separated very easily and comfortably. But after marriage, it is not only difficult to do so, but in a situation where it is not possible, one is also forced to endure the compulsion of living with frustrations and stress....!!

Mamta and Manish have also been in such a 'living-in relationship' for the past three years. But the difference is that Mamta is married and a mother of two children. She could not get along with her husband after marriage and got divorced. Finally, four years after the marriage, since the children were small, Mamta brought them with her to her parents' house. Due to the strong financial condition of her parents' house, she got help in starting her own garment business, and within a year, she made her financial condition strong. She met Manish at a party, and they became friends. Gradually, this friendship became so deep that they started living together. Today, after living together for three years, their understanding is very good. If everything is so good, why don't they get married? Mamta replied angrily to my question, "I have tasted the bitter taste of one marriage; I will not make this mistake again. Manish and I had decided before living together that we would never marry. Manish is five years younger than me and is still a bachelor; he can get out of this relationship whenever he wants and marry someone else." Mamta's simple answer raised many questions in my mind...! What kind of companionship is this, which has been maintained for the past three years! What kind of freedom is being tasted! And what kind of mutual understanding is this where the relationships themselves are mismatched!! I automatically got the answers to all these questions after sitting with them for a while and probing them. Actually, there is no such thing as love between the two; rather, under a mutual agreement, they are fulfilling the deficiencies that have come into each other's lives. After separating from her husband, Mamta needed support to raise her children, and she also needed a man for her physical needs, and Manish is fulfilling both these deficiencies. In return, Mamta is providing every financial assistance to Manish, who is less financially capable, to start his own separate business from time to time.

If you look at it, this section that believes in the concept of 'living together' does not believe in words like bondage, relationships, faiths, trust, and responsibilities. It considers the relationship between a man and a woman and marriage as just a compromise and wants to have a prior experience of the relationship to bring understanding in fulfilling that compromise. It considers being in temporary relationships instead of a failed marriage as a sign of its successful existence. In fact, this is a sign of the hollow mentality of a particular class that is engaged in proving itself progressive and modern by breaking relationships, decencies, and prohibitions. The changing social landscape due to the increasing employment of women and the increasing unemployment of men, such as women thinking about marriage late, living alone in metropolises away from home due to jobs, and men first making friends with such women and then making them partners and showing mutual understanding to live together without marriage is also the so-called open ideology of this particular class.

But it can only be called an irony that the relationships arising from the union of men and women, which have been given the name 'marriage,' the faith or responsibility to fulfill them is now being thought of in a new way! But in which is there more scope for success? In which is there less? This question is as simple as its answer is complex! But this much is certain that in the relationships between men and women, words like satisfaction, dissatisfaction, happiness, unhappiness, and fulfillment of expectations keep getting entangled and resolved throughout life. Keeping this fact in mind, if instead of giving a new definition to relationships, harmony and adjustment are kept in relationships, then the significance of marriage appears to be solid because its decency is proven by experience.